Emotions are a big part of what makes us human, don’t you think? Imagine your feelings as colors painting your world. When you’re younger, everything’s pretty straightforward—there are the bold primary colors of “happy,” “mad,” and “sad.” They’re easy to spot, and it’s simple to understand how you’re feeling.
As you get older, though, things start to get more complex. It’s like you’ve got a whole new palette to work with—secondary colors, still bright, but a bit trickier to name. And then, when you hit your teenage years, the emotional landscape shifts again. Instead of a few clear hues, you’re surrounded by deep, intricate shades—like chartreuse (is it more yellow or more green?)—and a whole bunch of feelings you may not know how to identify.
Adolescence is full of change. Your emotional spectrum expands and gets more nuanced, introducing feelings like embarrassment, guilt, ambition, and acceptance. It’s as though you’re suddenly learning a new language to describe the rollercoaster inside your mind. And let’s be honest—it’s a wild ride.
But here’s the thing: these emotions, as challenging as they are, are what make life richer. Without them, the world would be flat and colorless. It’s this depth that lets us connect with the world around us and really live. Sure, it’s hard to navigate all the ups and downs. You may even wish you could somehow control your emotions. But the truth is, you can’t. The good news is that you can control how you respond to them.
So, let’s talk about how shifting your perspective can change everything.
Here are three perspective changes that can help you see the world in a whole new light:
1. Guilt Is Not the Same as Shame
Guilt and shame are often used interchangeably, but they’re actually quite different. Guilt is like a gentle reminder that you've made a mistake and can learn from it. It’s a feeling that nudges you toward improvement. On the other hand, shame is much darker. It tries to tell you that you are the mistake. It tries to convince you that you’re worthless and can’t change.
Think of guilt as: “I did something bad.”And shame as: “I am bad.”
Guilt helps you make amends and change your behavior. Shame keeps you stuck in a loop, telling you that you’re incapable of growth. Don’t let shame hijack your self-worth. Your mistakes don’t define who you are. Your worth is constant, unshakable. And you can always change your actions, but never let them convince you that your value is up for negotiation.
2. Pain Doesn’t Have to Lead to Misery
Pain is unavoidable. Everyone goes through it at some point in life. But here’s a little secret: misery is a choice. Pain is natural, and while it doesn’t feel great, it’s a catalyst for growth. On the other hand, misery is something we create when we resist the pain, when we get stuck in the “why me?” mindset.
Pain is meant to be felt and then released. It’s a powerful tool for transformation, pushing us toward greater understanding and strength. Misery, however, tries to keep that pain locked inside, preventing us from growing. So, the next time you’re in pain, try not to get tangled in misery. Let the pain move through you and help you grow.
3. Stress Can Be Reframed as Excitement
Did you know that stress can be a positive thing? It’s true! Instead of telling yourself to “calm down” when you’re stressed, try re-framing that feeling as excitement. It may sound counterintuitive, but the way your body reacts to stress is pretty similar to how it reacts to excitement.
Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist, says that when you change the way you think about stress, you change how your body responds to it. In fact, there’s a term for the good kind of stress: eustress. It’s the opposite of distress, which is that anxious, overwhelming feeling we all dread.
Next time you’re feeling nervous about a big presentation, an exam, or any other challenge, try telling yourself, “I’m excited!” You’ll be surprised how shifting your perspective can make a big difference in how you feel and perform.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Ride
Let’s face it—emotions can be messy. But they’re also powerful and meaningful. As a teen, you’re just beginning to navigate this emotional journey, and all these colors are surrounding you, but they don’t control you. You do.
Emotions are messengers, not rulers. When you learn to make the most of them, you’ll find yourself living a fuller, more vibrant life.
And if you’d like to dive deeper into understanding emotions like guilt, pain, shame, and misery—and how to make them work for you—check out our self-paced courses: Guilt vs. Shame and Pain vs. Misery.
Life’s a wild ride, but it’s also one worth taking.
Comments