Navigating Relationship Challenges: How Couples Therapy Can Help
Most couples argue occasionally, but if communication breaks down or conflicts become overwhelming, couples therapy can help. It offers a supportive space to reconnect, learn effective problem-solving skills, and foster healthier communication.
Couples therapy can help partners reconnect, learn coping skills for challenging situations, and break down conflicts when they feel overwhelming. With therapy exercises to enhance your relationship, you'll leave feeling stronger, more in love, and ready to tackle your journey together.
If you've ever wondered, "How does couples therapy work?" you're not alone—let's dive in.
What Does Couples Therapy Address?
First, it's important to undersatnd that couples therapists are not going to fix your relationship or save your marraige. Instead, they act as a guide or teacher to help you identify patterns and learn strategies to stregnthen your relationship. They will not tell you what decisions to make or evaluate your marriage with an arbitrary success or wellness score. Rather, they will help you get in touch with your own feelings so that you can make decisiosn that are right for you and your partner to move forward.
Arguments in relationships can stem from a variety of issues, including:
Money and financial stress
Household responsibilities, chores, or division of labor
Intimacy and sexual difficulties
Parenting challenges
Career pressures
Health concerns
Substance abuse
Extended family conflicts
Unhealthy behavioral patterns
Parenting children
Sleep habits
Past relationships
Infidelity
Stress
Therapy can help you and your partner identify these concerns, understand their root causes, and work toward effective solutions.
If you're struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for 24/7 support.
How Does Couples Therapy Work?
Every relationship has arguments, and reasons for those arguments can vary.
You and your partner may argue over a range of things from dirty clothes left on the floor to how to discipline children appropriately to expectations surrounding intimacy. You may wonder if couples thearpy could help your particular relationship dynamic.
We encourage you to reach out because the right therapist will be able to answer questions and provide guidance to you and your partner about your relationship.
In couples therapy, a licensed therapist provides a neutral space to explore relationship dynamics.
Here's a breakdown of what to expect:
Initial Assessment: The therapist gathers background information and identifies core concerns.
Communication Skills Training: Learn active listening techniques and healthy expression of feelings.
Identifying Patterns: Recognize and break unhealthy cycles of conflict.
Practical Exercises: Engage in tailored activities to reinforce new habits.
Ongoing Support: Regular check-ins to monitor progress and adjust strategies.
Does Couples Therapy Work?
Studies show that relationship counseling improves outcomes for 70% of couples.
Therapists teach practical skills to:
Strengthen emotional connection
Improve communication
Resolve recurring conflicts
Navigate major life transitions
Some couples may benefit from individual therapy alongside joint sessions to address personal issues impacting the relationship. Addressing individual issues can enable partners to come to relationship counseling sessions with more insight and benefit the therapeutic process.
5 Key Principles for Successful Couples Therapy
Focus on the present
While past experiences shape relationships, therapy emphasizes resolving current issues.
In therapy, partners may focus on positive steps forward rather than resolving fights. They will learn communication strategies for when disagreements arise. In your initial sessions, your therapist will work with you to develop therapy techniques to actively listen, hear what your partner has to say, and give them space to speak their mind. They wil invite you to focus on current situations, while identifying underlying causes for conflicts. This may involve past relationships, hurts, or other information. Being open to discussing the past is a key effective aspect of therapy.
In the heat of the moment, listening objectively can be challenging for anyone.
As you move through your sessions from week to week, you'll build an invaluable foundation for navigating conflict and stress. You'll learn healthy ways to discuss thoughts and feelings for a happier relationship. This will help you build trust and intimacy in your marriage.
Identify problem behaviors
Pinpoint patterns that trigger conflicts to work toward change together.
Most people have patterns and fall into the same ruts over and over again because humans are creatures of habit. Couples therapy begins with identifyng recurring patterns in your arguments. Relationship therapy will help both partners to recognize unhealthy relationship patterns and work together as a couple to correct them.
Whatever is going on in your relationship, you can bring those concerns to therapy.
Do you disagree on how to parent your children?
Are you stressed out about monthly bills?
Have health issues put a strain on your relationship?
Do you feel overwhelmed by family obligations or unevenly distributed workloads?
In the therapeutic space, both partners are able to express their concerns without judgment, while exploring strategies for change. We provide a safe space without judgment to identify areas where both partners can improve. Your therapist can even explore delicate and emotionally-charged matters in your relationship, such as infidelity, to resolve them in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.
Working with a therapist often involves discussing both sides of a conflict and striving to see your partner's perspective. Your counselor will strive to support and understand as they gain a better insight into how each person is experiencing the relationship.
Find common ground
Look for shared goals and values to foster collaboration.
It can be helpful to focus not only on your partner's wrongdoings. Remember, this is someone whom you love and once found deep connection through shared interests, experiences, and life purpose. Returning to and remembering why you fell in love can be powerful in the therapeutic process.
In the middle of an argument, it can be really hard to find common ground but that is often when it is most needed to diffuse tension. Can you find a away to agree mid argument? I bet you anything it will boost your couple problem-solving skills!
Let's look at an example. Let's say you disagree with your partner about letting your 13 year old child have a social media account. Rather than arguing and landing in a place where you "agree to disagree" you could try saying something like, "I know our child's wellbeing and safety matters to each of us. Let's create a pros and cons list of each option for our child so that we can talk through possible solutions."
Keep in mind that you can bring any issue to therapy, even things that seem minor. Finding moments to agree with your partner will help to create a sense of alliance, which may make conversations easier and compromises possible.
If you're finding it challenging to identify areas of common ground with your partner, talk with your therapist. They can using counseling tactics to help you find areas where you agree.
Step into your partner's shoes
Develop empathy by understanding your partner's perspective.
Perspective-taking is a lifelong skill that takes practice and patient to develop. Anyone who has had a difficult coworker or boss knows just how hard it can be to find empathy for someone who makes life harder. But, what if that someone is your life partner?
Remember, you're not perfect either and your partner likely experiences some frustrations and irritations with your behaviors, too. You've had different upbringings and problem-solving strategies, which you bring into your marriage.
Different values and problem-solving apporaches can be a root problem for some marital concerns. Consider what your partner values. What are their thoughts and beliefs? Where do you match up with one another and where do you feel like there is a disconnection?
It can be helpful to set your own emotions aside for a moment to consider, "why is my partner upset?" Do they feel unheard, unloved, or disrespected? Taking a moment to try and step into your partner's shoes can give you access to a hidden world of knowledge. Don't underestimate the power of empathy! Caring and emotionally intelligent people take time to consider what others are feeling and what their perspectives may be.
As you strive to see your partner's perpsective, you'll build your problem-solving skills and emotional connection. Your therapist can help you create long-lasting solutions to aid in both communication, interaction, and displays of love.
Maintain openness
Be willing to share feelings honestly and remain open to feedback.
Many people refrain from starting couples therapy because they fear how their partner will react. Will they become angry, upset, or defensive? It is important to remember that therapy is a safe space to explore all emotions. Your partner may feel or exhibit all of these reactions, but a therapist will be able to help you both navigate them and learn tools to express emotions in healthy ways.
There may be several reasons your partner is apprehensive about couples therapy:
Stress or long day mental burnout leaves them exhausted
Conflict with other relationships (friends, family, extended family)
An internal conflict unrelated to you
A mental health condition such as depression or anxiety
Loss or grief
Stigmas
A lack of problem-solving or interpersonal communication skills
Rather than assuming your partner is irrational or obstinate, try to open communication to find out what they fear or what's keeping them from starting couples therapy. Don't point fingers. Instead, let them know you're noticing a change and want to be there to support them. Consider taking your conversation to therapy if you experience any challenging or disruptive emotions.
Is It Ever Too Soon for Therapy?
Couples at any stage—whether together for a few months or decades—can benefit from therapy. Early intervention can prevent small issues from escalating, while long-term couples can address deeply rooted patterns. We all have different needs at different times.
Online vs. In-Person Therapy
With increasing accessibility, couples can choose between in-person sessions and online therapy. Both formats offer effective support, depending on your preferences and lifestyle.
We often find that in-person sessions are deeply effective, but online options also allow couples flexibilty to prioritize their relationships and make therapy happen that might not otherwise be possible with scheduling.
If you decide to engage in therapy, sessions can take place in our office or through a virtual health platform we provide. In some situations, therapists may meet with each partner one-on-one at times, or before or after sessions to discuss any feelings you may have been unable to say in front of your partner.
Your therapist will work with you to provide insights into your relationship, as well as the strengths and weaknesses of your communication. They will work to guide you through a healing process with professional support and problem-solving skills as a neutral mediator.
Benefits of relationship therapy sessions for your wellbeing
It's important to acknowledge therapy may not benefit every couple in every situation, but is effective and helpful for most partnerships. Let's explore some of the positive outcomes from couples counseling:
Increased emotional connection and overall relationship satisfaction
After meeting with a marraige therapist, many partners express a high level of satisfaction. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, over 90% of couples surveyed reported improved emotional health after attending sessions with a relationship or marriage therapist. They reported that their marriage and family therapist gave them the resources they needed to make more effective decisions about their relationships. Many leave therapy feeling more connected, with better problem solving skills, often becoming a happy couple with a stronger emotional bond.
At our clinic, we aim to make therapy more accessible with both in-person and online options. We have multiple counselors with varying availability so that you can find someone who works for your schedule and life needs.
Reach out today to schedule your first session and start finding relief from conflicts and stressors, intimacy issues, or communication difficulties.
Resolution of enduring conflicts
Attemping to solve conflicts on your own may feel overwhelming or like a dead-end. Researching strategies and repeating efforts can feel time-consming and defeating. For this reason, therapists can be an instrumental tool. They have the time and experience to do a lot of the heavy-liftening when it comes to finding and supplying tools. Therapists in our clinic work with partners from different backgrounds, culture, lifestyles, and genders. This allows them the expertise to tailor therapeutic techniques to your needs.
They also stay updated on the latest research and methods, meaning they can support you with facts and studies, relevant tools and techniques, and the support of an informed professional.
Most couples make the best progress by attending a weekly session to create structured plans for their relationships. This allows for short, digestible periods to implement simple skills with immediate feedback, coaching, and further skill development. As you work with your counselor, you'll figure out what works for you to move forward and establish clear goals.
Learning about your relationship often leads to finding resolutions. Insight is a powerful tool. Your therapist will work with you to find the healthiest option for you both, which may not be a recommendation of breaking up or divorcing. In some cases, reconciliation is possible and should be pursued. In other cases, you and your partner may decide to separate or divorce with the support of your therapist to navigate those difficult decisions.
A developed skillset for better communication and problem-solving
Couples counseling focuses on effective communication and strengthening your bonds with one another. To do this, your therapist may involve various methods, theories, and tools to help you in your joruney.
Your therapist may discuss attachment styles with you, how you developed them as a child, and how it connects with your partner's style.
You might participate in emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT), which often uses adult attachment and bonding theories to guide clients.
You may utilize love maps from the Gottman method to increase your overall closeness, respect, and affection for one another.
Narrative therapy may help you to name your internalized concerns and view them from multiple angles to be worked through constructively
Positive psychology techniques may help you see positive aspects of the relationship
Spiritual guidance may play a role in your healing if you so choose
Imago therapy may combine behavioral techniques while focusing on shared values
Will relationship counseling work for us?
Couples therapy takes active participation of both partners to be effective in solving relationship problems. Success or failure in therapy may depend on the extent to which both partners are willing to commit to relationship therapy techniques and exercises and practice problem solving skills at home. If one or both of you are unwilling to engage and provide a commitment to the process thoroughly, you may not benefit as much as you would with a positive mindset. The counseling process can take effort from both sides. You may learn about areas where you acted unhealthily, which could feel challenging to address in front of a therapist and your partner.
You and your partner may choose to go into therapy willing to change your behavioral patterns and learn new skills. Additionally, you might want to find the proper fit for a therapist before delving into deep counseling.
Consider the following questions:
Why should we try therapy?
What do we wish to gain from therapy?
What is our end goal for each therapy session?
What type of couples therapy are we looking for?
What aspects of our relationship will we talk about in our first therapy session?
Are there any subjects we don’t want to discuss in therapy for some reason?
Is there any personal subject one or both of us don’t want to bring up in therapy?
What should I not tell a couples therapist?
During your sessions, the therapist may ask standard interview questions to better understand the issues you're facing. You may tell your therapist anything. However, it’s up to you whether you tell a piece of information. You can impart your information, but you might check with your partner before telling any of their details to the counselor.
What should I do if my partner refuses to go to counseling?
If your partner refuses to try counseling, you might consider individual therapy to talk to a counselor about how you feel in your relationship. Individual counseling may focus only on your needs, so you might learn more about how the relationship harms or benefits you.
Should partners see the same individual therapist that they see in sessions together?
Suppose your partner does not feel comfortable attending relationship therapy but is willing to try therapy on their own. Or feels the cost is too high, as it may cost $65 to $200 per session. In that case, you might be able to see the same therapist individually. However, it is also possible to see separate therapists to work on your own feelings. It depends on your and your partner’s desires.
Should I tell my partner what I talk about in my own sessions?
You can choose to talk to your spouse about what you discuss in therapy. Doing so may help them understand what areas of your life or relationship you’re working on. However, you can also keep details of your therapy sessions to yourself if you wish.
Most partners find couples therapy to be helpful for their relationships
and their individual mental health.
What does couples therapy cost?
It's important to know that most insurance companies do not view marriage or couples therapy as a medical necessity, which means they typically do not cover it under standard mental health benefits. As a result, many couples pay out of pocket for these sessions. On average, the cost of marriage therapy ranges from $150 to $200 per session, depending on the therapist's experience and location. While this investment may feel significant, many couples find that the tools and insights gained through therapy are invaluable for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening their relationship.
Start by contacting your insurance company directly to ask about coverage for couples or marriage therapy.
Use the customer service number on the back of your insurance card and ask specific questions like:
Does my plan cover couples or marriage counseling?
Are there specific diagnoses (e.g., anxiety, depression) that would make therapy eligible for coverage?
What types of mental health professionals are covered (e.g., licensed marriage and family therapists, social workers, psychologists)?
Are there in-network therapists who offer couples counseling?
Does my plan cover telehealth services for couples therapy?
While insurance rarely covers therapy solely for relationship concerns, some therapists can bill insurance if one partner has a mental health diagnosis (such as anxiety or depression) that is being affected by relationship stress. Ask your therapist if they are willing to bill through this method. Additionally, check if your plan offers coverage through Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), which often provide free or discounted therapy sessions.
Health Savings Accounts (HSA) or Flexible Spending Accounts (FSA): Check if your HSA or FSA can be used to cover therapy costs.
While the upfront cost of marriage therapy can feel significant, it’s an investment in your emotional and relational well-being. Therapy can improve communication, rebuild trust, and teach you conflict resolution skills that can benefit your relationship long-term. Research shows that 70% of couples report improved satisfaction after therapy. Consider it as preventative care—addressing small issues now can prevent larger, more costly problems (like divorce) in the future. The average cost of a divorce in the United States typically ranges from $10,000 to $15,000 per person. However, costs can vary widely depending on factors such as whether the divorce is contested, involves child custody disputes, or requires the division of significant assets.
Mediated Divorce: $3,000 – $7,000 (typically a faster, more collaborative process)
Contested Divorce: $15,000 – $30,000 (if disputes require court intervention, costs increase quickly)
Divorce with Children or Property Disputes: $20,000 – $50,000+ (more complexity means higher fees)
The bulk of divorce expenses usually come from attorney fees, which average $250 – $500 per hour, as well as costs for court filings, mediation, and expert witnesses (like financial advisors).
💡 Investing in marriage therapy can be a cost-effective way to address relationship issues before they escalate, potentially saving thousands in legal fees and emotional strain.
Plus, a healthy relationship positively impacts other areas of life, including your mental health, parenting, and overall happiness.
If you’re experiencing arguments, life stressors, trauma, or another relationship concern, a couples therapist may benefit both you and your partner. We want to meet you where you're at and can offer in-person or online marriage counseling.
Call today to book a free consultation 385-223-0777 or book directly through our portal with the "book now" button
Take the First Step
If you're considering couples therapy, reaching out to a licensed mental health professional is a powerful step toward building a stronger, healthier relationship. Therapy isn't about assigning blame—it's about working together to create a fulfilling partnership.
We offer both in-person and online couples therapy to fit your schedule.
Let us help you reconnect—get in touch today!
385-223-0777
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